(hoarder)

I spent today watching the entire first season of Hoarders, including the extra scenes. It was a short season. I get anxious watching it because I know I have a lot of the issues people deal with. I do hoard. I have anxiety. I am depressed. I shop too much. What I like about Hoarders is I can see the areas in various stages of de-cluttered, the mindsets of the hoarders and reasonings behind why they keep things, and the professional's tidbits and advice.

First thing I did was binge on food. It is a depressing show and I do associate myself with it. I may not have it to that degree, but it can get that way if I don't watch it.

I do have spurts of purging. It feels good to bring an entire car load to the second hand shop and get it out of the house. But then I shop and bring more in. I need to start assessing what I am going to buy with a critical eye: why do I need it? Is it a want? Where will I put it once I get it home? Do I have one already? And if I can refrain from buying it, what can I put that money towards?

I told my sister tonight that I want to focus on using what I have. I want to make the most of the time I have off and I want to do something productive. So far I've ruined my carefully constructed sleeping pattern and done nothing but sleep and waste time on the internet. I did start crocheting a scarf yesterday that I worked on a bit tonight as well. I need to keep that up. Keep my hands busy, especially while watching tv since that's when I tend to binge eat. It would use up what I have so I don't go buy more, use my energy to make something I enjoy, and all while watching a program I want to watch.

I wish I was better at organizing my time, but I tend to be lackadaisical about it. I'm not lazy, but I tend to get tired easily. I know right now that's because I'm healing from surgery, but even when I'm healthy, I can't keep myself on the go all the time, even if on the go means doing something productive in my own home.

Starting tomorrow, I hope to put my hopes into actions.