So I was going to make a video for YouTube, but I'm so stressed it was not coming out well. I look tired, my face is broken out, and I spent a couple hours of today crying. In short, I feel like I'm in the middle of a depression induced break down. So I scrapped the video (the huge zit on my cheek kept distracting me...and I washed my all makeup off so there is no way I'm posting that!). All I could wrap my brain around for now was my book post, and I only really want to do that like once a month since I've written more in-depth reviews here.
So at work I didn't get the shift I wanted, which contributed to today's stress. I thought it was unfair to go ahead and tell me to submit a memo stating I was interested, only to turn around and tell me I was the only one to apply, but sorry, I don't get it because they decided they want four people on the other shift and they can spare people on that one. I really think my shift is feeding my depression. I miss out a lot on seeing my family, especially my twin sister, who has a positive personality and helps keep me out of it. I am in a building during the day and awake at night, so I miss sunshine, and I can't get myself up before my job. And I feel thisclose to my breaking point. To think of an entire year on this shift...I have to take it one day at a time.
Tomorrow my partner is back and I will no longer being working my shift alone, which is a positive, because I hate working alone. Especially because it's been so busy...I've been slammed. Saturday, because I was the only one working, I did not even have time to eat. When it came to the two bathroom breaks I was able to get, I had to run.
I'm trying to look at the positive side of my shift, but right now, all I can see is everything I am missing and all of the plans that are shot to hell because I have to be working instead of home when everyone else is. And the greatest part? My new days off are Wednesday and Thursday. That's right. For an entire year, I don't get a real weekend day off. Even if I get a holiday to add to my weekend, it's only going to be a Friday. Best part is, during schedule change, I probably will get one day off for my weekend, like I did last year.
Sorry. No positives tonight. I'm going to bed, where I wish I could hibernate.
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I'm sorry things are so tough for you. :( I don't want to be "Mr. Brightside," but I know you'll get through this!! You've not been there a year and a half quite yet and look how much you've accomplished. You're earning seniority and people are seeing how serious you are about your job. I know I'm not going anywhere at my position at the moment, there's no where to advance to, but look at all of the experience I gained while getting to this position (heck, it took me a year to get out of Filing!) You've got an in with the county, you're in the field you decided to want to go in, and you're making contacts (even if you don't realize it). You've done a lot despite being on the night shift and I know you have great things ahead of you, whether you end up on day shift next year or you find another way to handle it.
ReplyDeleteWhat your sister said...seriously.
ReplyDelete